WOW.
So much wisdom in this post. Thank you for this.
Sending you a (((hug))) and best wishes as you emerge from this difficult and dark situation, out into the light, and follow your own new path!
peace-
b
Originally Posted by
Zak68 
Over the years the focus on her healing changed.
Originally I thought I could save her. Al-anon taught me I can help her but she needs to choose her path.
She would lie to me to avoid my disappointment. When I found out it was always worse because of the lie. She would get herself in these ruts and see no way out but to keep lying then the guilt would sink in and she would drink more.
She tried to tell me she is ready to heal now and I don't love her enough, that is why I want a divorce. I told her that won't work. I am stronger now.
I stuck with her for five years. I stayed after the affair. I believed in us. I believed in her. She never believed in either. I told her all of this.
That Sunday she said if she killed herself I would have to live with the guilt that I failed to save her. I told her I wouldn't feel guilt. I can't watch her 24/7. At some point she has to behave like an adult. Seek help and stop being a child about her illness.
The A will always point the finger away, it's too hard to point it back at themselves and see the pain and suffering they cause.