mariechi

I'm a newcomer to this type of community. I don't know a forum from a blog or what thread I'm in or a chat room. Do you wander in and join the conversation? By the time I figured out how to "talk," everybody had left. I wasn't sure if I'd interrupted.

I wandered around the site yesterday, built a profile, tried to get my bearings a little. I joined a thread! My profile has a place for friends. I don't know how to meet people in this environment.

A week ago Monday I went to work drunk. It wasn't my intention. I have probably lost my livelihood. I don't blame them. When asked why I did that, I said I didn't know what I was doing. On some level I must have, but many times, I don't realize I'm drunk. I've spent many years as a "functional" alcoholic with many strategies on controlling my drinking.

I can't control my drinking. I've spent the last week looking for insights on how I got here, looking for education on my condition. I've been very ignorant. There's information, conflicting information, misinformation. I've been building strategies on how to never drink again. For whatever combination of reasons, I cannot handle alcohol and never will be able to.

I'm going to the detox center as soon as they have a bed. Hopefully, it will be Tuesday. I'm staying sober, and not having a problem so far. That's one of my patterns is the ability to easily stay sober for a number of days. Then I'll lose a few days to drink. I'm afraid the DTs will hit me while I'm here alone. You know, until I started serious reading this week, I didn't know alcohol was in part a physical addiction with withdrawal. Duh...

So any guidance anyone can give me on being a member of this community will be great. I just don't know if I'll be able to find it.

Thanks