Originally Posted by
firestorm090 
These are the thought patterns of my life, "I don't need any help, I'm a man's man, I take care of my own, I can handle it, I'll take care of it, blah blah blah," the thoughts whirl round and round.
I'm normally a fairly sharp guy, but lately have really been struggling at college, and in other areas of my life, trying to pull it all together. And you know what, for the first time in many years it's beginning to work. Now that's great news, but I have to ask, what's different today that is helping facilitate these positive changes in my life? The truth is I've started reaching out for help, and you know, it's ok, nobody seems to think less of me, and people actually seem to really want to extend a helping hand when asked. While I was drinking, just 22 days ago, I didn't really trust anyone, and thought I would handle it all by my itty bitty self. Hogwash.
Here's an example: I've really been beating myself ragged trying to catch up and get on track with my algebra class, but seemed to keep falling further and further behind. I got to class early today and caught my instructor in the breezeway before class, and mentioned my dilemma to him. He asked me to wait till after class and we'd talk. He took role in class, as always, then he surprised us all by asking if anyone else was having problems staying up with the course. At first, a couple hands went up, including mine, then others tentatively raised their hands. We were scheduled to have another exam this Thursday, but after looking around the class, our instructor said we need to spend more time on this section of study, so he'll put off the exam till next Tuesday. Well, I gotta tell, I felt like hopping out of my seat and yelling Hallelujah, but I just smiled. Seems I wasn't alone in my plight and that's the same in all areas of my life. My attempts to stay sober were just periods of time between drinks. I can't do it alone, and it took me a long time to figure that out, so I'm reaching out, here at SR, at AA meetings, and with my friends and family. I even, surprisingly have a couple of drinking buddies who are rooting for me to stay off the sauce, what does that tell ya about this ole drunk. I was a pretty bad case, but not today. Today, I've had plenty of coffee, and water, but just haven't had to pick up a drink today, and that's a miracle in and of itself.
I thought I was of the hopeless variety, but discovered it was just my ego telling me to handle it all by myself. Today, I don't have to try to do that, and that's ok with me.
Thanks SR for letting me post a few thoughts.