But basically its broke me financially and spiritually recently and I realized I'm lucky to be alive.
Wolf I bolded the word spiritually in quoting you because in order for me to recover I had to have a spiritual awakening.
there is some void that is being filled by drugs and alcohol.
I bolded the word void because due to the spiritual awakening I had that void in my soul has been filled, I tried filling it for many years with booze and there never was enough booze to fill it no matter how hard I tried the void remained.
I and millions of others have found a spiritual solution to a physical/mental problem. Interested?