Originally Posted by
Mrak 
Welcome Wolf00
This isn't a lecture brother, these are just some of my thoughts as I read your posts.
You sound like you have a good handle on your situation and what you want to accomplish. Self-awareness is a sign of strength, but just being aware isn’t going to change anything until you do something about it. Acknowledging to yourself that you have a problem is only one part of the process, but it can be the beginning of your turning point.
You say you never talked with anyone about this,,, maybe they already know.
Great lyrics in a song, "You never know just how you look through someone else's eyes."
Maybe you have hurt your family and friends - did you ever ask them? You might be surprised by what you hear. And don't get mad and defensive if you hear some hurtful sh*t. Remind yourself that you're the one that asked.
Who knows what groups or recovery programs will work best for you. Get involved with some - it may be just what you need right now. Keep posting, stay involved. PM me if you want. I can speak more frankly and colorfully that way.
I wish you success not luck. Luck is for gamblers - success is the reward for doers.
Dude, thanks a lot as I sit here awake unable to sleep knowing this is part of the pain of abstaining. I most definitely have hurt my friends and family indirectly and have noticed certain more sober friends talking to me less and less.
My family has only approached me once to ask if I was OK at real bad on oxymorphone (Opana ER 40's = bad news) when I was whacked outta my gourd and during a three to four almost daily coke bender that whacked me out pretty bad once again.
My friends all know, and often ask me if I quit to the opiate **** to which I say, "yes" which I think they know is a lie.
I've got a handle on it terms of identifying the issue, but its filling some void I can't understand. I don't know how I feel about recovery programs. Once again I'm strong willed but ******* stubborn as a mule. Thanks my man.