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Old 09-22-2009, 06:30 PM
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Looking For Myself...Sober
Aysha's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,210
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Yet another revelation! No second guesses with this one.

Ok..I know I must be tiring you all with the school thing. But its all new to me. And I am so excited and scared at the same time. And you are the only ones I feel I can get sound advice from and trust. I can go to my family. But wont get that unbias feedback like I do here. They are like me. So happy that they will go along with whatever I think. I need and like all percepectives.

Ok..So this is it. I had a great rgeat GREAT class tongiht. Not only are my fears mostly gone. But it has given me a whole different direction on where I want to go now.
I have a class called freshman seminar. Which is pretty much a class on self improvement for the adult student returning to school. It focuses on things like I have been. Self doubt, confusion and confidence issues as far as returning to school. PERFECT!! I so need this class. I had fun in class tonight. Plus it touches on alot of stuff internally that has alot to do with my recovery as well. So its killing 2 birds with one stone. Kinda like therapy I guess.

Anyway. Tonight we talked about goals and how to achieve them. Dream jobs and the process of doing that.
So when the topic of what ypur dream ob would be came up. I was totally stumped and then scared again. Because for mid term we have to find and interview and observe someone in that field and write a paper on it.
Sounds easy right?? Not if you dont know what the heck you wanna do. Theres a bunch of things I would like to do. But I wouldnt say that they were a 'dream job'.

So in the middlw of class we got a handout of that poem thing that talks about the hole in the sidewalk and falling in everytime. By the end you walk around it. I know alot have seent hat vefore. I have read it on here before.
Well I started to tear up a little reading it. It just hits so close. And I know it does for alot of you as well.
Anyway. My point is. That after reading that I got the moment of total clrity I have wanted.
The whole what what should I be educating myself on. I was bouncing back and forth from digital graphics to hospitality. Well. Its none of those now.
This thought came to me strong and out of nowhere.
I went from fear to complete determination on this thought.

I am going to finish my certifercate in digital graphics. And next year go to the community college for chemical dependancy counseling type of field.
I know it is sorta cliche for an addict to clean up and do that. But I have wanted to do that before.
But my twist on it is, like in one of my previous threads. Is to focus alot on women with addictions coming from the streets, prostitution, abuse and so on. Help them and be an advocate for them with things that I myself have been going through. Things I face as a result of my addiciton. Like finding a job. With a background like mine it has been very very hard. I want to be that voice that helps them be heard. That gives them redemption. I myself as I know some of you face discrimination due to your addcition and the consequences stemming from it.
I want to make a difference. I want to be of service where I know I had trouble with. Where I felt there was no one n the world who could help me.
I have the experience of coming from that background.
I want to help others like me see that it isnt impossible no matter where your coming from. If you want it. You CAN have it.
I am just so excited about my new interest. It feels so right. Its where my heart is telling me to go. It will help me in so many ways too.
Anyway..I just wanted to share and get some thoughts.
And by the time I would start that course of study. I will have had 1 year for the first time ever.
Yes..It isnt the usual maybe I might. I WILL have a year by that time.
Thx for being here guys. This was the first place I came to share my new found motivation.
I couldnt get home fast enought to share with you all.
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