Welcome Wolf00
This isn't a lecture brother, these are just some of my thoughts as I read your posts.
You sound like you have a good handle on your situation and what you want to accomplish. Self-awareness is a sign of strength, but just being aware isn’t going to change anything until you do something about it. Acknowledging to yourself that you have a problem is only one part of the process, but it can be the beginning of your turning point.
You say you never talked with anyone about this,,, maybe they already know.
Great lyrics in a song, "You never know just how you look through someone else's eyes."
Maybe you have hurt your family and friends - did you ever ask them? You might be surprised by what you hear. And don't get mad and defensive if you hear some hurtful sh*t. Remind yourself that you're the one that asked.
Who knows what groups or recovery programs will work best for you. Get involved with some - it may be just what you need right now. Keep posting, stay involved. PM me if you want. I can speak more frankly and colorfully that way.
I wish you success not luck. Luck is for gamblers - success is the reward for doers.