Go girl
I'm in the same awful place of seeing how my drinking has been so damaging to those around me as well as myself. I can't believe I hadn't seen it before. I've had my wake-up call and lost my job. There is no way to change the past however much we beat ourselves up. We make amends where we can. But we have to forgive ourselves first and hope that others will forgive. If they forgive us and we don't, nothing will change.