After eight years of trying, I do not think I am likely to become a theist. My housemate in rehab killed himself, two other people I knew died after less than a year in recovery, people in my group were molested and molested their children. I had never known any addicts before then and did not know how bad it could be for people. And in recovery I lost everything and saw other parts of life I did not know before. I do not see any beneficent higher power at work. Maybe a cruel unfeeling one.
Eight years of trying and I have not recovered any faith. I do not think that feeling that makes me "god." Maybe an amateur psychologist if you want to insult me, but god????