Hey there Kari
One thing I have learned in al-anon is that sick people come from sick families. If I fall in love with a sick woman (which I did with my ex) then she's going to bring along all her sick relatives. (which my ex did)
For me, the answer is to stop trying to figure _them_ out, which is just an attempt at finding some angle thru which I can control them, and instead figure _me_ out, so I quit getting involved with sick people.
What are you doing for _you_, Kari? Today. How are you healing yourself from all the "stuff" you've been thru? Are you going to meetings? gotta sponsor? therapy?
Me? I'm going to see a sponsee later today, working on my art, slept in this morning (which for a control freak is a huge improvement) and going to do a little work on a commitment I have for a meeting.
Mike