I went to AA for a while, as my ACOA group met only once a week, and I felt that I needed a meeting more often. One person in particular, seemed openly offended that I was attending ACOA meetings, and would ask me about it (more like interrogate). I thought he was genuinely interested in knowing about it.
I tried numerous times to explain to this AA'er (who turned out to be a 13th stepper in the most cowardly way--so take it as that) that ACOA was NOT about blaming parents, but about forgiving them, seeing them as fallible and healing from that, and I finally gave up, realizing that he had to demonize ACOA so that he wouldn't have to deal with the CRAP he put his children through.
I finally gave up the AA group, and my sponsor, as becuase of that jackasses 13th stepping attempts and utter denial of it, he was backed up by his peers, and I was left to flail (talk about bringing up the old fear of rejection and shunning by my peers!).
I used to get so angry--why did it have to take me SO LONG to come to recovery? Why couldn't I have come BEFORE my life was so frigged up?!? But then I realized, It could have taken me until I was 40,50,60,70, or never and I could have passed it on to yet ANOTHER generation of children living in fear of their parents, never knowing true intimacy.
My mother puts on a 'show' for anyone around (including the grandchildren, who cry and get upset, but she doesn't give a flying flip)...she picks and picks and picks and picks at my father (whose no saint, but he sure puts up with a lot of her SH!!), until father finally gets ticked and talks back to her, then suddenly, she plays victim cries, and goes to her room and slams the door.
I can't figure out why I'm the only one in my family who doesn't fall for it anymore. Poor Mom, Dad's cheated on her...yeah, he has. He's not perfect, but I'd have killed her, if I'd have had to put up with her for 40 years! Oh, wait, it has been almost 40 years. Scratch that.
When my sponsor said to me one night, seemingly frustrated with my constant disbelief in anything good about myself, "Someone sure did a number on you," it actually felt good to know that someone else could SEE it. But then I felt bad, thinking that I shouldn't feel GOOD about it.....ack!