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Old 09-18-2009, 01:04 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Freepath
Up from the ashes
 
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 213
Bam,

I have followed your threads for some time now, it seems like you are experiencing a fantastic degree of personal growth. I am glad to see other people successfully pulling themselves out of difficult and stressful lifestyles and fashioning more fulfilling and meaningful lives.

I like the analysis of thought patterns of self derision, which can lead to self destruction. You donít need that, and sometimes looking at the opposite argument helps us to see the truth more clearly. The world is full of enough problems, you donít need your own false beliefs or incorrect perceptions serving as stumbling blocks.

Recently on this forum, some conversation of SMART tools occurred. Iíd like to share another tool:

http://www.smartrecovery.org/resourc..._Worksheet.pdf

I hope that link works. When I have problems, I like to approach them like this:

Problem: I have a flat tire.
Action: I am going to change the tire.
Result: I watched American Idol instead, but I had a good time.

At least if I donít fix my problem, I know what went wrong. If I tried to fix the tire and I didnít know how, then I know that I need to find out how to change a flat tire.

Iím not trying to offer all the answers, I suppose the point I would like to make is that feeling discontent with life circumstances is healthy and can be a fantastic catalyst for change. You demonstrate the drive, the intelligence and the ability enrich your life in the tone and spirit of your posts.

Ago,

I was in a relationship similar to this. Looking back, I wonder why I did not just sever ties. There were things that I liked. There were things that I didnít.

These disappearances most likely mean infidelity. I especially suspect this because of the whole retaliation that you are being ďaccusatory and delusional.Ē The best defense for behavior that one cannot explain is a personal attack against the person asking for the explanation. If someone accused you of robbing a bank and you didnít do it, you wouldnít get upset, you would calmly deny it. Why waste the energy of attacking the person who asked, even if they were out of their mind?

I suppose that a different situation could cause things like this. Perhaps she is struggling with substance abuse and does not want to disclose that. It seems like quite a few incidents being thrown around simply because she needs some space. If the space she needs is every weekend, you are in a relationship that needs to end, unless you like it this way, which apparently, you donít.

You seem to be faced with situations of stonewalling, followed by descriptions of medical emergencies such as panic attacks and being bed bound at a total strangerís house and abandoned by her familyÖ

Okay. This seems like either:

1. Attention seeking or drama seeking patterns (this is not a personal criticism, simply an observation.)

2. A quickly and poorly conceived lie to cover something else up.

3. A painfully poor attempt to deal with oneís personal problems.

So in the final analysis, does it even matter? Is this how you want to live? Examining Blackberry texts because someone who refuses to spend any time with you is making calls that they later deny? I donít need to be very cognitive about this. This is the hallmark of a lie. When a person lies, the first thing that they do is say ďwell if you donít believe me, you can ask such and soĒ I think you will find a great degree of personal peace by asking yourself why you are engaged in this debate, and why you would bother to corroborate or refute someoneís telephone or texting history. You donít trust her, you have your reasons. Find someone that you do trust, if that is important to you.
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