I feel I am at a turning point. I am wore out, feel a bit feverish, but like maybe I can turn my life around. About three days ago, I was in a state of total delirium from drinking/sedatives that very nearly had me in the hospital, or off to Happy Hills. So I have decided I can't drink anymore. It’s hard, as I used to work in the wine business, but these days, I feel like I am playing with fire: my moods + drinking = a huge mess.
I never drank every day, but when I do, I go too far, can't remember things, and worry I will jump out a window in such a state, do something stupid. So it's been three days, and I'm trying to watch my health/body, and shake off this death- wish/reckless living.
I'm also tapering off my psych meds, and looking for a more natural approach. I feel sometimes I am in danger of losing myself, and want what I had, long ago, that boy who so much wanted to accomplish great things, back.
Judy, thanks for your support. I am really trying to believe that things can get better. That has been a huge problem for me: believing in things. Such a pessimist, I have long been!
Alera, you mention you are a resident Goth.....does this mean you liked bands like Bauhaus, Joy Division, The Cocteau Twins, This Mortal Coil, The Cure, and the ilk????? Curious!
HP