My heart goes out to you Zak. I was never married to my alcoholic guy but he did his share of blaming others for his own problems. He had a pretty bad childhood but instead of getting some counseling for that, he drank. He had chronic pity parties and his woe is me stories got old for many people. He has lost most all of his old friends (even the ones who drank) because his moods were so out of control & he'd get angry at the drop of a hat. I am leaning towards the possibility that he has bi-polar disorder as well as alcohol addiction. I'm reading that that is not an uncommon situation and I don't know if your wife was ever diagnosed with anything like that but it sounds like she seriously has mental issues going on. Alcoholism itself is a very selfish addiction though because the drunk is willing to give up the very things that should be the most important to them in order to get that next drink. It was difficult for me to reconcile in my mind that my ex-boyfriend needed booze so badly that he was willing to give me up in order to continue his addiction. I believe in time my ex guy will likely lose his job (not sure how he's kept it this long) and will maybe eventually lose his custody rights to his daughter. He lost me quite a long time ago but I think in his twisted mind, he might think we still have a chance. I'm not risking it again. As you've learned, just because they say they will get help and even if they DO get help, they can always slide back into that addiction so easily. There is a point where the apologies mean nothing because the trust is simply gone. If they followed through with what they said to begin with, they wouldn't wind up where they are today.
I recently read up about Joan Kennedy (Ted's first wife & mother of his kids). I knew she had alcoholic problems for many years. What I didn't know was that BOTH of her parents were alcoholics. She didn't have the best life and it didn't get better when she married Ted so she drank more. Eventually, she was found on the sidewalk outside her apartment in 2005, passed out and head bloody from a drunken fall. I believe she had several stints in rehab. At one point, her kids sought guardianship over her. Joan Kennedy had access to the best rehab facilities and psychiatrists that were available but yet she battled alcoholism for most of her life. At 72 she is now sober (and I hope she stays that way) but she put her kids through hell in the process.
When you have moments of regret, remember that getting out was the proper choice because it isn't helping your kids to stay with a woman who refuses to get help for herself. There is only one person working in the relationship and that is you...eventually that wears away even the strongest person. You deserve better. Your kids deserve better. You have done all you can do. Now it's best to let God have her and get on w/your life. Take care of yourself.