Originally Posted by
Bamboozle 
"1. Overgeneralization. From one isolated event you make a general, universal rule. If you fail once, you'll always fail.
2. Global labeling. You automatically use pejorative label to describe yourself, rather than accurately describing your qualities.
3. Filtering. You selectively pay attention to the negative and disregard the positive.
4. Polarized thinking. You lump things into absolute, black-and-white categories, with no middle ground. You have to be perfect or you're worthless.
5. Self-blame. You consistently blame yourself for things that may not really be your fault.
6. Personalization. You assume that everything has something to do with you, and you negatively compare yourself to everyone else.
7. Mind reading. You assume that others don't like you, are angry with you, don't care about you, and so on, without any real evidence that your assumptions are correct.
8. Control fallacies. You either feel that you have total responsibility for everybody and everything, or feel that you have no control, that you're a helpless victim.
9. Emotional reasoning. You assume that things are the way you feel about them."
OK
I would like some input on viewing this as a
strictly cognitive exercise
I have been dating a woman for some time,
starting six weeks ago she:
has become "unavailable" by phone, internet, or text from between 5 and 7 PM three out of four Friday nights until Saturday, she is usually unavailable from 15 to 24 hours, she then informs me she had a "medical emergency, either a panic attack but usually an elevated heart rate, that she didn't answer for...some reason...I don't know why, but she was home.
The following week she informed me she was "going to visit family" whereupon there was "no contact" from Friday night until Sunday night, when she informed me she had another "medical emergency" and that her family just "dropped her off at a complete strangers house" and she was "bedbound" there for two days where her family had just "abandoned her" and there was no cell phone coverage, computer or internet, or land line, although she informed me she was able to borrow a cell phone from another unidentified stranger (which I still don't understand as she told me she was bedridden the entire time) in order to call her mother to feed her cats, who she would have NEVER left unattended in the first place.
OK
Please, purely cognitive responses, no judgments on either of us, I just want to check my thinking
My thinking is:
Past behavior is the best indication of present and future behavior, she has a history of infidelity to her husband
This is now a pattern, if you "disappear" four out of five weekend nights, and only weekend nights, this goes beyond mere coincidence.
When she informed me of her decision to visit her family, I set a boundary, I said to myself if she 'disappears" for the whole weekend, which I strongly suspect she is about to do, in conjunction with her "going no contact" 3 out of 4 previous weekend nights, I am done. I can no longer live with the uncertainty, or the certainty actually that she will disappear every weekend for the night, it's not a matter of insecurity, it's a matter of a pattern developing I am not comfortable living with.
For the previous six months, by no means did we "track" each other, but If I called she either answered, or had informed me ahead of time she would be out of touch. This no longer happens, she just disappears for 24 hours every weekend.
OK, My decision is to walk away based on a clear pattern of actions. That I have no desire to be involved with someone that is going to 'disappear" four out of the last five weekends. I have told her Goodbye, listed the four out five nights she has disappeared, stated she has a history of infidelity, which coupled with her disappearing every weekend has made me no longer trust what she says and her lengthy stories of why she disappears every friday night like clockwork.
I have told her goodbye.
Her thinking is that I am accusatory and delusional, and that none of this ever took place, and that she is NOT the woman I say she is and that my thought process is one based on insecurity and stories I am telling myself.
I have the phone records and texts for every single occurance, they did in fact take place.
OK, purely cognitive input please, help me out boys and girls, please don't slander her, this question is to check if my thinking is in fact delusional, not cast aspersions on her character if that makes sense. I am not angry nor judgmental at her, just don't want to continue "seeing" someone I don't trust any more.