"All I have to do is keep my hands off and my heart on!!" I believe I have done that but,how do I get my heart to be on? I look at him drunk,face and body all swelled up,slobbering words, I just feel discust for him. any time he tries to touch me for sex , my skin crawls, He tries and says the right things, but I just cant get passed it all,years of abuse. I was really mad yesterday, a friend of both of us just stepped between us and started talking,"you two have to talk,your story isnt the same as his,you both need to be on the same page,you guys can work this out, I dont want to see this happen" I have nothing to say about it!!!! Im done talking, He wants to drink so be it, I want a better life. He said started comparing us to him and his x-coke head girlfriend( who still falls off every now and then) if they can make it work so should we beable to. HE FORGETS! All I was to my A for a long time was a fat piece of A** and a ride home from the bars, At Christmas all his buds got gifts I got nothing. our wedding aniversary I spent taking myself out to dinner cuz he couldnt take himself away from his buds. On his 50th birthday I had spent over $1000. on a suprise birthday, the cake alone was $100.00 I had 3 pictures put on the cake, a baby pic,high school grad pic, age 50 (as close as I could get) it took me over a month of planning. On my 50th I was told by him "well I cant come up with anything like what you did so do you want to go to dinner?" couldnt even take the time to get me a card or flower he might miss his turn to buy. He would be drunk thinking I needed sex(so I wouldnt stray) he would force, me hurt me. DID NOT MATTER if I was tired,sick or just wasnt in the mood. He wouldnt stop!! but he loves me??? Even now I get home from work and might get to sleep about 3am Here he is at 7am trying to wake me up for some!!! does he care Ive only been asleep for 4hrs? no,
He continues to drink and now the friend is with him at the bar enabling him ,but their just talking,
I wont let my heart hurt anymore, I expect nothing from him, Im not working on anything but myself, He can kiss my ***. the friend says well you need to lead him here, you need to point him in the right direction, NO IM NOT!!!
I felt like I was in therapy, I feel betrayed by the friend (like he is siding with my A and trying to help him keep me) what really gets me is he is very knowlegeable about AA and what you have to do to recover. acording to him I should just throw everything in the trash and start over, well he is still drinking so it never stops!!!
Damn I hate my life!! He will not hurt me anymore
Your right writing letters helps you feel better, sorry its so long I just had a short comment and look what happened!
Thank-you all so much for just being here, it really meants alot
Hugs Debbie