"yet somehow, someway, his 'words' that he wanted things to be better roped me right back to where I started.
I feel Isolated and ashamed of myself."
Cessy,
For me, the longer I stayed with an addict the worse this got. We get sucked into their promises because we want SO much to believe them, hoping that THIS the time that they REALLY mean them. We lose ourselves in this possibly neverending cycle.
The longer we expose ourselves to these situations the worse we feel about ourselves and the harder it becomes to get out. I know you care about him and want him to get better, but in my experience this caring needs to take place from a distance.
The time has come to look after Cessy; so girl "grab you boobs" and get to it!