Cessy,
I have been exactly where you are. Frankly, I have been there many times. Right now I am fighting with myself because I am not there right now, I am in a no contact zone right now. Not by my choice, he left and so I am uncomfortable, because the game has changed somewhat and I think I want to be where you are at, because at least I know how to play THAT part of the game.
Do not blame yourself. Addicts say what we want to hear. And no doubt when he said those magic words of wanting to get clean, he really meant it at that moment. I really believe most addicts really don't enjoy being sick, but to admit that would mean they would have to do something about it.
Don't make any drastic decisions. So many times we act out of anger and that can really backfire on us. Like the others wrote, just breathe right now. Is there anything you can say that you haven't said or do that you haven't done that will make him quit? No. He will not quit until he is ready. BUT there is hope for you. Go to Alanon or Nar-Anon. It is not a gripe fest, it is a place where people just like us are there to open their arms and to show you you are not alone, that there is hope.
It sounds like you really love this man. You can learn a way to have peace in your life and have him too if that is what you want. Even if he doesn't seek help for himself. But this is for you to decide when the time is right for YOU to decide.
Please, go to Alanon or Naranon. Read some of their literture. I have been in your shoes, I know the desperation to believe what they say. We want so badly to believe! We want things to be good, we want them and us to be happy and well. So don't feel bad about believing what he said. I have read quite a few postings tonight and this is what I have taken away:
It's not personal. He's not doing it to get back at you for anything. IT'S JUST WHAT ADDICTS DO. It's just what addicts do. After a day spent in severe anxiety and crying, this one statement has brought me more serenity tonight than I have had for a couple of days. My AAH has disappeared, done a large cash advance on the credit card, and I haven't spoken to him in four days nor seen him in a week. I was feeling pretty low today, feeling pretty unloved and used and miserable. But then I read, "That's what addicts do" and it finally sunk in. It doesn't have anything to do with me. That's just what addicts do, but tomorrow is a new day. I can choose to try and be happy or I can spend another day in bed crying. I don't know yet, but I hope it will be a choice to be happy.
Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to reach out to you. Because in helping you we help ourselves. Keep your head up dear, get your self to an Alanon meeting and please keep in mind that you are not alone. We are all here for you. You are loved.