Oh Cessy... I'm sorry. Is your heart in your throat? I know mine would go there during a moment like you are having tonight.
You don't have to make any decision tonight.... that is the good thing.
To buy yourself some time - don't set him up ... meaning don't ask him any questions that are going to put him in a position to lie - cause that is going to just pi$$ you off. You want to stay calm... so you can keep your head about you.
Keep breathing.... inhale .. exhale.... inhale... exhale.
If you start to get upset or angry with yourself or anything negative about yourself ... I have a trick to help you get yourself out of it right away. It was taught to me and it helps.
Grab your boobs... and say... some thing empowering about yourself. It could be... I'm a Woman! or I'm a B!tch or I'm STRONG or I can do this... whatever it is that will make you shake your head up and down and will instantly put your shoulders back with head up high!
It's a cyclops a fog.... and if you are ready to break through to the other side... you just have to do it. It's like ripping a band aid off..... but you'll only do it when you are ready.
We all know what the remedy is to help our loved ones and not enable..... it's to detach. Step through to that other side... and visualize yourself putting on your protective gear. This will keep you safe while you are still living with the addiction.
make sense?