Hey Daisy, thanks for the warm welcome, It made me happy to see it.
Gneiss, sorry to hear about your sleep problems. I have very similar, long-time issues with this as well. Have you tried Kava Kava? This seemed to help a bit, very calming. I ordered the powdered root from Hawaii, and made an 'iced' tea with it in the traditional manner.
As for me, my own life has been a disaster. I need to get it together, but keep f*cking up.
Back to day one and a half.
Ooooooooof. This has often been a pattern: Somebody dies, I then drink, and it happened again, this time, ironically with Poet/Sometimes singer/song-writer Jim Carroll. It seemed to have a particularly strong connection to his song, ''People who died", which I first heard in the company of my not then but present boyfriend some 23 years ago on the 10th floor of a college dorm. It's a song I have always felt especially close to. But what irony: the mixture of booze and sedatives could have easily put me in his company.
I need to work on this 'hidden' death-wish, I think, in order to make some progress. I can't deny it's there, and not thinking of it/mentioning it doesn't seem to help much, either.
Well, another day, hoping this one can be better,
HP
Lyrics, "People who died"
Teddy sniffing glue, he was 12 years old
Fell from the roof on East Two-nine
Cathy was 11 when she pulled the plug
On 26 reds and a bottle of wine
Bobby got leukemia, 14 years old
He looked like 65 when he died
He was a friend of mine
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died
G-berg and Georgie let their gimmicks go rotten
So they died of hepatitis in upper Manhattan
Sly in Vietnam took a bullet in the head
Bobby OD'd on Drano on the night that he was wed
They were two more friends of mine
Two more friends that died
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died
Mary took a dry dive from a hotel room
Bobby hung himself from a cell in the tombs
Judy jumped in front of a subway train
Eddie got slit in the jugular vein
And Eddie, I miss you more than all the others
And I salute you brother
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died
Herbie pushed Tony from the Boys' Club roof
Tony thought that his rage was just some goof
But Herbie sure gave Tony some bitchen proof
"Hey," Herbie said, "Tony, can you fly?"
But Tony couldn't fly, Tony died
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died
Brian got busted on a narco rap
He beat the rap by rattin' on some bikers
He said, "Hey, I know it's dangerous, but it sure beats Riker's"
But the next day he got offed by the very same bikers
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died
Teddy sniffing glue, he was 12 years old
Fell from the roof on East Two-nine
Cathy was 11 when she pulled the plug
On 26 reds and a bottle of wine
Bobby got leukemia, 14 years old
He looked like 65 when he died
He was a friend of mine
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died
G-berg and Georgie let their gimmicks go rotten
So they died of hepatitis in upper Manhattan
Sly in Vietnam took a bullet in the head
Bobby OD'd on Drano on the night that he was wed
They were two more friends of mine
Two more friends that died
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died
Mary took a dry dive from a hotel room
Bobby hung himself from a cell in the tombs
Judy jumped in front of a subway train
Eddie got slit in the jugular vein
And Eddie, I miss you more than all the others
And I salute you brother
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died
...Jim Carroll Band.....