climbing out of the pit
Well I feel like I am on this rollercoaster of mad emotions, at times I swear I must be bipolar. My course of recovery has been Mr Toad's wild ride.
I was so defiant the first 3 months, then angry the next 3 months. Then came this blah state of being that emulated depression, nothing excited me. The some more anger and worst of all feeling punitive towards myself and everyone else on the planet.
The last month and this is the 12 month of this business of sobriety, has been spiritual but not religious. It has been forgiving, it has been a bit more tolerant towards myself and others with some anger thrown in in small amounts. I don't know what the heck is brewing or baking in this recipe but lately I feel more peaceful and serene. I got my backside out to the lake and that helped me more that anything, just being out there. I started to pamper myself a bit and by that I mean being kinder to me which amazingly has led to me feeling kinder about others.
I go from feeling peaceful to feeling pissed off but my pissed off states are getting fewer and farther between. Climbing out of this pit has been hell. But I do feel some sort of shift has happened to me in the last 2 weeks. Spirtual awakening maybe or hormones leveling out or maybe paws subsiding. I don't know but I do think even though this is slow getting over addiction I do think I am getting better and happier. I am more grateful for things. Just thought I would share this 2 steps up and one step back path I seem to be on.