Hey y'all, end of Sunday...
First off, I was rereading a little bit up ^ and I noticed something I guess I hadn't made clear. It's not people relapsing that gets me, I pretty much always respond to those--it was just that that particular moment, there were like 7 in a row. It was the steady opening of threads on the same topic that did me in...
Sorry, didn't mean to imply I don't like people relapsing... well, I don't, but I'd be the biggest hypocrite to not support them. I had what, three, in a month?
And Oz, I was whatever the female equivalent is... made bitter by the coldness in this here sunny California. I've gotten softer since sobriety, but it still needs work.
Humor is what always got me through the day...
Well, now I got what, 16 days. And I guess I'm stuck with the mood swings.
Tomorrow I go back to school, today I've actually been doing my homework and I paperclipped the parts I have to read. The most day-before prep for anything past a test/ assignment due. I really gotta work on my study habits. When I was drinking I slid by with A's, I don't know how. But I do know that whatever it was was guiding me back then has stepped back and let me drive--sober I'm inept at pretty much everything, from remembering to eat to appointments and basic motor coordination. I'd be a fool to think I can slide by still in school.
That part's--the having to study--not fun, but it might be an advantage in keeping me from stress. If I study as the class goes along, I don't have to worry about it later. Might be a good thing about sobriety, giving me skills I probably will need in graduate school.
I went to church, came home feeling peaceful and was greeted at the door by a bottle of vodka on the table.
Didn't drink it, but somebody did and now it's still there, possibly staring at me through walls. I don't need as many candies today, and haven't thought as much about drinking. Almost none, actually--especially if the bottle is out of sight.
So yet again, it's just a mood swing. Glad there are people here on SR. Y'all can probably see why I never bothered to sober up by myself... and I never even got close to this far those days when I had to sober up for a job or whatever--the only way I could even do that was to think "okay, 12 hours and you can have a drink." I'd even have the bottle already. I always knew the stakes why I had to sober up, and I always knew it didn't count as "controlling your drinking." But, if I had made it past that point, into days or such, yep, no way I'd get through all these days without SR.
The good days, too, 'meeting' new people, saying hi and learning new things from questions posed by other people--questions I might have asked if I'd thought to.
Oh boy, well, I signed up for this, didn't I? And I suppose I'm starting to see some good come out of it. Let's see if I can go till Thursday... Thursday because all the days in between are so busy they're basically a flurry.
-TB, kinda sleepy actually