Originally Posted by
daisylady 
So, my AH is going to rehab... impatient for the 3rd time. For some reason, I just am not that happy. The only thing I am happy about is that I don't have to deal with him for 30 days! Isn't that a horrible way to think??? He made all the calls and set everything up himself but I still feel like the only reason he is going is because he is afraid our marriage will be over if he doesn't go (not like we have much of a marriage right now anyway). I still feel like he has had NO CONSEQUENCES for his behavior. If he has had no consequences what will make him change?!?! He hasn't lost his job, his family, he has no financial difficulty and he has never had to pay for rehab himself. It is just nuts.
Anyway, I am not sure if I want to stay married or not. I don't know if I am even in love with him anymore and I just want to MOVE ON with my life. There is just SO MUCH damage that has been done to our relationship and marriage. In the last five years he has been to treatment 4 times! I just am so hopeless. Why will this time will be any different??
I am planning on working on setting boundaries for when he gets out. I really don't want him living here and I think he thinks everything is going to be perfect and all roses when he gets out.
Anyway, I know I am bouncing around, I just have a whole bunch going on upstairs and really need to sort things out. I really am just looking forward to 30 days with no AH.
Daisy, I can relate to every one of these paragraphs. Reading them was almost like I was reading something I had written.
I know how you feel, being happy he will be gone for 30 days. I was happy too. I was even happy he was going to rehab, thought it would "change everything" NOT! While he's not using, (maybe a few times, not sure), and he acts better, not so much else has changed.
It's one year later for my AH out of rehab, and to this day, I still feel like he hasn't had any real consequences. I think this is partially because of my enabling, Damn it! He has lost a few jobs in the past, but that is about the extent of any consequences. I resent this, but I know I have to look at my part in it, the enabling him! ARGH!!
my mind - stay married/or not - still love him/or not - too much damage/or not - will it be different this time/or not? swirling round and round, looking for the "right" answers. Maybe I just need a new pair of glasses!
Set boundaries, and have the strength and courage to stick to them. This is where I seem to derail. I though I'd set boundaries, weak ones at best, and don't seem to follow through.
Every situation is different, but from here, not much has changed since my AH's rehab. It's been almost a year since he's came home. Don't know what I think is gonna be any different another year from now.