Keep posting, just getting your thoughts written out can help. Look through the tool boxes listed in the stickies on Secular Connections. If depression really is your main problem you should visit a doctor, explain how you feel about meds and see if the doctor can't guide you to a GOOD therapist. It's good that you're exercising that definitely helps, if you're not eating healthy foods, check into that too. If you want to PM me, I'll tell you about all the wierd things I do for my health that may not be helping, but certainly are not hurting me. If it's alcohol that turns out to be the main problem, just don't take that first drink! No matter what that urge pushes you to do, drink fruit juice or coke, or water, or eat chocolate, or candy, anything but that drink! The urge wont last. Even if it comes back, it doesn't last just eat or drink something else. Alcohol will always make you feel lousy the next day ! Take care of yourself OB !!!!