Oh...wow...I am so sorry. But please, please don't blame yourself. She was going to do what she was going to do, anyway. It was just a matter of time.
You stated one of your boundaries and are defending your sanity. You deserve to at least have a place of serenity in your own home. Dealing with the addiction of someone we love so much is hard enough...having no distance at all from them is unbearable at times. I know...I just went through about 3 years of my AD actively using while living in my home.
Kudos to you on the "friend" (if we can really call him that). You don't need his phone calls. Some friends help by keeping you informed when the addict won't, but it sounds like this one's not trying to do that. It seems like he's trying to take control of her addiction.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you can find the strength to "Let Go and Let God" (I struggle with that so much...it's hard for me). And I hope you can find some peace through this storm.