Thanks to all of you who have posted replies. I am really impressed by all the wonderful people on this site who are willing to share their knowledge and experience.
I just want to clarify some things that some of you wondered about...John (my boyfriend) truly is a wonderful guy...WHEN he's not drinking. He is the complete opposite of my ex husband...educated, intelligent, caring, and we enjoy doing many of the same things. The alcohol really is the only fly in the proverbial ointment. If it weren't for that, I could see myself marrying this guy. So I don't think that I am trapped in a pattern of dating abusive guys...in fact, when John and I started dating, I thought I was going in the opposite direction from my ex. John was that good at hiding his alcohol problem, or now that I think about it, I was that good at denying it to myself.
I am going to talk to him tonight and ask him if my suspicions were correct.
Now my question is, should I tell him to get in AA and stay sober for at least a year before contacting me again, or should I just get on with my life??? It's hard because I'm afraid if I break up with him, he'll end up really going off the wagon. I guess I really should read some of those books you recommended afterall...
HELP! Thanks again!!