I'd like to suggest a couple of things for you. Get your hands on a book called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Also, "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood is an excellent read, and both books opened my eyes up. Also check into some Alanon meetings in your area. Alanon can start you on a journey of discovering self, and breaking old patterns.
When I left my EXAH, I thought the problem was gone. Unfortunately the problem was still looking back at me in the mirror.
I still had that 'broken-ness' inside that drove me to pick out dysfunctional and unhealthy relationships. I rationalized with each one that they were
not whiskey-swilling, meth-slamming, violent/psychotic convicted felons like my EXAH.
At best they were emotionally unavailable, and at worst emotionally abusive.
I finally had to look at why I kept engaging with that type of man.
You have a God-given 4 year old son. You have yourself. Give you and that son the best gift ever and seek some recovery for yourself to make yourself whole.
:ghug2 :ghug2