ACOA's and Relationships
“When the child of a dysfunctional family begins to enter the "real world"--schools and the workplace-- they discover their family system is not the reality shared by their classmates and co-workers. Many Adult Children become loners or form tight, unhealthy relationships with other children of dysfunctional homes. These relationships actually re-enforce their dys- functional view of the world by ‘finding another person who really understands.’ The tightness of the bonds created in these relationships is accented by the Adult Child's lack of an individual sense of identity-- they do not yet know where they stop and someone else begins. As a result they are unable to define their limits and begin to take on other people's opinions, defects and needs.�
~From “Adult Children Of Alcoholics In The Workplace�
by Marianne Tedder
Yet another thing I read that made me feel like someone has been following me around taking notes on my life. I’ve done both of the above. I did the loner thing for a long time. Then I bonded with other dysfunctional-ites. And once upon a time, I was in a relationship with someone who said “I can’t tell where I stop and you begin.�
At the time, I thought it was incredibly romantic. Of course, at the time I was a needy, wearing my heart on my sleeve, relationship-obsessed mess.
And that bit about taking on other people’s opinions, defects and needs…oh yeah, I lived on that street for a long time. I really need to start looking over my shoulder more often. If these authors are going to use me as a case study I think I should get some of the royalties.