thank you bballdad!
1. What does it mean to be so powerless over alcohol that you are unable to manage your life?
To me, I think it means not knowing when to stop even though I know in the back of my head that it's making my life unmanageable. For example, telling myself to only have two glasses of wine, but then end up consuming two bottles of wine to the point of passing out. Or even hiding it in the house because I can't go to bed without having some alcohol.
2. How far do you have to go to hit bottom? Do you drink alone so no one can see how much you consume? Do you hide stashes of alcohol where only you can find them?
I ask this to myself all the time - is this my bottom? Can i MAKE this my bottom? WILL this be my bottom? The last thing I want to do is go down more elevator floors and end up on the street all sorry. I do not want to lose my job. I do not want to lose anything else. So to answer that - I don't want to go far to hit my bottom. I'm quite far enough.
Do I hide alcohol? HAHAHAA yes. Of course. My closet is the hiding place and I don't take my trash out unless it's dark and no one is around.
3. Have you ever felt like trying to use self-will to control your drinkin is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline? Explain.
Yes. I would reward myself in the past for not drinking a few days. I would say "Wow, 4 days without booze, bring on the reward!" And go out to buy some booze to celebrate. The more I limited myself, the more I wanted when I did reward myself. Maybe I was making up for all that time not drinking. Putting out the fire for a little bit would only make the fire rage even more when rewarded with water.
Screw booze. It controls me too much. :wtf2