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Old 08-07-2009, 07:29 PM
  # 109 (permalink)  
Faerie
Faerie
 
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Australia
Posts: 396
Hi Guys, I just read then re-read your posts.

Your kind words have made me feel humbled and much loved, thank you all. Dee, Anna, Clay, Laurie, MaryEllen and Pete I love you all so much.

Gonna stick to 18 today, no matter what. If I feel I need/want more I will reach out via PM or email or go to the chat room. [now that I know I'd be welcome]

Gonna stop beating myself up. Clay's right, I have to take responsibility, I chose to take the pills. I had a reason. However it is still a problem and I need to talk to my doctor about the doseage level as I need to be on enough to hold me at the moment. Laurie's right, I think I may need to decrease slower and I'm sure my very understanding doctor will be open to that.

I strongly believe that the only way any of us can get over our addictions is by dealing with the reasons we use. Mine are physical pain and emotional pain. I am getting physio for my back but at the moment it is aggravating it more than helping it. However my physiotherapist said this would be the case at first. When I see my doctor I'm gonna talk about me knees as I think I need physio for them too.

As you know I have only recently begun dealing with my emotional pain for my, now, 3 rapes, I see my psychologist every 2 weeks and now have an appointment with Yarrow House on the 26th. [my Mum is driving me so I don't have to go alone, I love her so much]. I know it will take time to get over what has happened to me, maybe I never will, but at least I can learn to live with it.

I spoke to Clay this morning and told him about the rough night I had last night. It was Friday night [in Oz] and I was playing the 'if only game'. I always used to spend Fridays with J. I was thinking 'if only he hadn't raped me I'd be with him now' and really missing him. I'm in mourning for the relationship but don't want him back. What happened is a tragedy, but it happened and I have to learn to accept it.

I miss the good things about him and now have no-one to go fishing with, I need a new fishing buddy, I love fishing. [catch and release only].

Clay's right, I need to get back into my writing, I'm an aspiring writer and aim to be a published author one day.

Gonna do something nice for myself today and treat myself to an aromatherapy bubblebath with one of my writing books.

And I order each and every one of you that reads this post to do something nice for yourself too - you deserve it for supporting me.

Much love and thanks for your kindness,

Kel xx
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