Well it's only me again, but just to say that you're actually doing fine Faerie, I (and probably others)- can see that you have strength of character, even though you may not feel it right at this point in time.. and I would just echo what Dee, Anna, Clay, and Laurie have already said.
There isn't any shame whatsoever.
You're actually brave.
Brave for telling (rather, sharing)- everything that you already have done on the internet.
Brave for not keeping quiet, for opening up when you really needed to. That takes guts, especially after what you have been thru.
I know that there are thousands (as time will tell, probably more)-of women (and men)- who have been thru terrible crap.. and they can't talk about it. To anyone. Maybe they will in months or years to come. But for now they can't, because of whatever reason. doesn't make it any harder or less traumatic. But when (if)-they do talk, it will be a release, and/or the start of a healing process.
So just remember that you are brave.
(I was going to add more, but had to leave it for now as I've got me own stuff to deal with- have to be selfish somewhat sometimes, to look after yourself as well as others.)
You're doing okay, even if it doesn't feel that way. Keep it up! Keep sharing!.
TC,
pete.