I still want to retaliate SOMEHOW for all the stuff I have had to go through and for what Im dealing with now. A totally NEW medical problem which Ive never had before AND complications from the surgery.
wtf
When I spoke w a friend in the program who I just gave them their 20 year medalion they suggested I write about it. An approach so I dont just go off my rocker when I go for a scheduled appointment on friday.
He also suggested that I should not only put down what I am angry and resentful about but also what Im fearing which supposedly is leading to the anger.
Not that hes wrong. I hadnt thought about it. I have heard of this association before.
I fear pain, death from internal problems. I fear having a freakin bag on my side for the rest of my life or losing even more of my guts. I fear being actually able to get my license and not having good enough health to enjoy it and or go back to some kind of work. I hatge not working and being poor. Nice social life, Dating ????? hahahhahhahaha F!
I feel powerless and hopeless.
It makes me angry and resentful.
I just dont think that some of the stuff I have been dealing with: the surgery, after care, lack of homecare, bleeding all over the room, my hosp bed and myself, a total mess of pain management should happen to anyone.
I dont know if it will actually do me any good but I hope it would at least not have to happen to anyone else.