Lies, you had the same experience I had the first night I came her not too long ago. I was feeling resentment toward my AD, because she was at the lake with her new NA friends, and I am here taking care of her 4-year-old daughter (she left her with me and I have legal custody).
I know exactly how you felt when that bathtub went berzerk. And no, your feelings are not petty, and they are justified. You do not deserve the situation you have. I think someone else said it here, too, but it's what we do with those feelings that matter.
You did the exact same thing I did. You got on this site and you posted. Had you not done that, you would have had the time to write that nasty letter to H you were considering. I was considering letting my D have it verbally, but I couldn't because it was 3:00 am. I couldn't sleep and thank God I found this site and was able to vent.
So many great people responded with insight and thought-provoking statements that I was able to relax, get some sleep and of course everything was better in the morning.
My daughter is freshly out of a 28 day inpatient rehab, and has just gotten an NA sponsor. Unfortunately, everybody here is right. You and I have a LONG road ahead before things will even begin to resemble normal again.
When things begin to overwhelm me, and I have A LOT of resentment toward my daughter, so I get overwhelmed quite a bit, I remind myself what my life was like when she was living under my roof and using. The serenity that came with her departure ( or the departure of her addiction I guess) is what keeps me from going over the edge.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. My father was an alcoholic and I used to be an active al-anon member. I let that slide when he died 13 years ago. I'll be starting back this week and if you've never been, I will tell you it saved my life at one time.
Hang in there and remember that your feelings are just that...your feelings and there is nothing petty about them.