greeteachday

Lies, My greatest problems with getting upset with the person I love is that I have expectations that he will act and react the way I would. I thought about that when I read the part about your request to him for when he writes. I can totally relate to what you are saying and I could picture myself in your shoes very easily...Been there done that far too many times; just slightly different scenarios (please let me know if you can not do what you said you would do because I worry that something happened; please only say you will if you really will, not because you think it is what I want to hear...) I find I do best with letting go of my resentments when I realize that just because the person did not act and react the way I would in the situation does not mean he is wrong or bad or does not love me. It then lets me acknowledge that I am annoyed...irritated...etc, but I can understand why I am; get beyond it and stop feeling that toxic resentment that only hurts me.

Not being emotionally entrenched in what is going on in your situation, I can also see where writing when he is suffering from depression may be the absolutely hardest thing possible for him right now. It isn't something one can just snap out of and perhaps he just can't do it or does not want to write something that sounds filled with sadness and despair. When I was suffering through a particularly major depressive episode, I found getting out of bed and just moving (never mind talking or writing) to be the hardest challenge i had ever undertaken. It is extremly difficult to describe (like addiction I guess) if one has not experienced it.

I don't want to sound as if I am making excuses for him...just perhaps another way to view things...

When I am particularly disillusioned by others not living up to my expectations, I try to remind myself of this quote too..."Plant your own garden; grow your own soul...Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers." it helps me put the focus back on me as the solution for me.
Hugs - I really hope the household stuff calms down and you can enjoy celebrating the strong, loving amazing woman that you are!!

Oh and one thought about your question on if your feelings were normal or you were overreacting...Well, I've faced that kind of feelings about someone who has died...Total anger that he wasn't there to help me through a particular challenge. I felt like crap for having that feeling until someone told me it is absolutely a normal part of grief. I think it is normal to grieve the circumstances we must experience as a result of addiction too.