Ok have walked Drizz and hugged her for Dee. She's the most supportive dog on the planet.
Showered and gone to the shops to pick up sushi for lunch. [something to look forward to, mmmm salmon] I never take pills and drive. If you drink/use and drive you're a bloody idiot in my opinion.
Trying to get up the nerve to call the rape crisis centre. Not quite sure why I'm so nervous, I guess it's because I'll have to talk about all three attacks. But I know I need to do it.
The reason I use is because of my emotional pain. If I can find a way of dealing with my emotional pain in a healthy way I can stop using. I guess that's how it is for all of us here. We all have or had a reason for using and the only way to stop is to get to the crux of your problems that cause you to self medicate.
I repressed the first rape for 12 years which led to problem drinking in my teens [now I'm a moderate drinker] a pot addiction which I have kicked in the arse and now a codeine addiction. Repressing, denying and holding on to your problems, shame and guilt can lead to drug/alcohol dependence as many of us know.
I'm ready to deal with my problems now, I finally found the courage to tell my parents, friends and new psychologist about the rapes 7 weeks ago and felt better once I did. Sadly it happened again last Monday.
If anyone reading this is still harboring issues deep inside find someone you can trust and talk about them, it will help you with your recovery.
Gonna procrastinate for a little but longer then bite the bullet and call, will update after I speak with someone. I'm sure it will be like ripping off a band-aid I just have to do it and it really won't hurt too much. I know I'll feel better after.
Thank you all for your continuing support and your belief in me, I believe I can beat this too.
Much love,