I lost myself too. That is such a challenge now to even just identify who I am and what I want. And to feel like it is okay to say "I want" and to actually give it to myself. My entire existence was defined by what my AH wanted and needed...if there was extra money - what could i give him to make Him happy that day....if it was a vacation, what would HE like to do. What TV shows does HE like, what food does HE want.
Whew - I just got it - I really get it - I really was trying to be his very own HP. His deliverer - the ONE who could control and force that which is not controllable....as long as I took care of everything, he would be safe and okay...not in my control. None if it was in my control...I could have created the earth and sky and it would not have been the answer...
Major, deep, aha moment happening for me. To the core - I get it. I have said it before...but i really get it. Wow. It was never my job in the first place.
Okay, I am going to sit here with my chill and thank you all from the bottom of my heart...you helped me grow today...thanks for helping me on this journey! Love, love, love....