I have the book, thank-you. Its hard for me to find alone time to read it, but i will. As for him being angry at me for finding financial dependence...well, first i have to go to school, and then i have to find a job..its a long process. I wouldnt really be financially independent on what i could make, but it would help.
He has basically always wanted me to work....but i wanted to stay home with the kids. He has never discouraged me from having a job. I have held some jobs during the course of our marriage. It was just hard when i did work full time and he didnt help with the kids or house.
My sister's husband had been physically abusive to her over the years. It happened infrequently, and not until he choked her and punched her in the stomach did she realize she had to get out. But she didnt have a plan, she just told him she wanted a divorce, stuck with it, didnt fight him for alimony, just wanted out.....and he didnt try to get her back really...maybe just talked to her about it, but wasnt controlling or manipulative. HIs verbal abuse during their marriage was that he would sometimes make fun of her. It never escalated. The physical abuse did escalate that last time. He was drunk and didnt remember what he had done. I guess what i am saying is that abusers are the same in many ways, but it seems like there are differences too. Like my former brother-in-law...there was no period of him begging for her to come back, and he didnt give her a hard time. She didnt put up a fight though either...she cut her losses and he got the house and she lives in a tiny house. She doesnt make much money, can pay her bills though, but doeesnt know about her future. When the child support stops, she doesnt know what will happen. She wont be able to afford her house. I gues what I am saying is that I am so scared of what he might do, but maybe he wont do anything. Or maybe it wont be as bad as I imagine. Maybe he'll let me go, after realizing that is what i want.