The Lundy Bancroft book you and liveweyerd are referring to is called "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men". I think everyone should by this book. Don't call yourself weak. Abusers like us to think this way about ourselves because it keeps them in control. It isn't unusual for those who are abused to go back to their abusers. Remember, in the book it is called "tramautic bonding". You are so upset by what has happened to you that you become attached to whoever is being nice to you at the moment - even if it is the abuser. Since you say you have few friends and not much family in the area....
I think it is great that you want to go back to school to be a teacher. But be very careful here. Abusive men DO NOT like it when those they abuse show signs of becoming independent of them, especially financially.
For those here at SR who haven't read the book, I post the following. There is a whole section in the book called "The Abusive Man and Breaking Up" which people should pay particular attention to. The list includes:
* Promising to change
* Enter therapy or an abuser program
* Not drinking, attending AA
* Making apologies
* Telling you that you will be lost without him
* Telling you that no one else will want to be with you
* Threatening suicide
* Saying that you are abandoning him, making you feel guilty
* Threatening to kidnap/take custody of the kids
* Thereatening to leave you homeless or with no financial resources
* Turning very nice
* Getting other people to pressure you into giving him another chance
* Taking care of things you've been complaining about for a long time
* Behaving in such self-destructive ways that you will worry/feel sorry for him
* Spreading rumors about you, trying to ruin friendships/your reputation
* Starting a new relationship to make you jealous/angry
* Insisting that he already has changed
* Spreading confidential information about you to humiliate you
* Threatening/assaulting anyone you try to start a new relationship with or who is helping you
* Getting you pregnant
* Stalking you
* Physically or sexually assaulting you
* Trashing your house or car
* Threatening to harm or kill you
There is also a section on "Leaving an Abuser Safely"
Be very careful. Please.
Love
DirtMagnet
Last edited by PurpleWilder; 07-28-2009 at 10:53 AM.