That Lundy Bancroft book is a very good one. There is another by Alice Walker called "No visible wounds" Both helped me get clearer in my mind and feel like it wasn't just me.
Grats on getting DV counseling, that did me a world of good...I will forever be grateful to Becky, my counselor.
I also used to think the abuse was a result of substance abuse, took me awhile to learn differently.
I hope you will be able to build up your confidence and strength one day at a time and be able to live fully free.
And here's a hug (((((((((((()))))))))))))))))