VS :ghug3
I feel the same way when I look at families where the couple seems to genuinely love each other. I was pretty young when I got married, and through the years, she got fat, I got drunk, a lot of the drug addictions that we both had when we met, I had given up. It just seems like when two young people get married and they really care about themselves, and they really care about each other, the whole relationship gets better and better. That wasn’t the way it worked with my ex and I, and we are both to blame.
I have been sober and drunk, and like a lot of people on this board it seems, I’ve gone years without drink followed by years of relapse. Each time I get sober the same things happen. Instead of coming home and drinking my troubles away, I need to live life on life’s terms. I need to come up with real solutions for real problems.
There are multiple personality tests which can be used for the purpose of introspection.
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Free Jung Personality Test Personality Test - Keirsey Temperament Website
This is HUGE. Think about it. Some folks like to fish. I hate to fish. I like my fish delivered to the grocery store wrapped in cellophane, thank you very much. Some people like to camp. I wouldn’t mind camping if I were mountaineering in the Himalayas, but if I am living out of a tent across the street from a motel, I keep asking myself why I am not sleeping in the motel.
These are random examples, but as you eloquently put it, I know who I am. I am a judgmental extrovert who prefers to think instead of feel, but I have a strong sense of intuition. I push to get things done and I am hopelessly pragmatic.
I have chosen income pursuits which fit my profile. I choose to meet people who blend with my personality. I don’t know if other people would look at me and see me as pathetic. But I don’t care. I know what I like.
I truly appreciate what Jamdls mentioned about being actors. I have mentioned this before. I believe that I am skillfully intuitive, and when I hear people say that they love this or that, I wonder if they aren’t just lying to themselves. Small tangent here, but…when a person works behind a cubicle and they tell everyone that they love their job; let’s say this person wins the $10,000,000 lottery. Would they go back? In matters of love, when someone says that they love their spouse, but suddenly some hot, young Argentinean woman comes along, and they cast their marriage aside, what happened? In matters of addiction, I recently read a post where someone talked about watching others drinking, and there was a kind of false, faked happiness being portrayed by the people in the group; I think I have felt that way watching others drink as well. Here’s my point: people fuel their own egos by trying to convince others that they are well adjusted and happy. In the end, we are all alone, and I can’t help but wonder if the best thing we could ever do for ourselves is hard handed self analysis and discovery.
Let’s say you look at one of these women, and you admire them, and many of them have a hobby of quilt making. So you take up quilt making, but you hate it. You haven’t done yourself any favors, right?
I think that most people who read your post know the exact feeling that you are describing. I also think that people are inherently lonely and happiness is very elusive even for people who seem to have it all.
I like you, you plain, boring, old, partially broken, recovery site junkie.