Resentments - Hope for Today
Hope for Today – July 23
Courage to Change states, “Resentments mark the places where I see myself as a victim.” Occasionally I felt buried under my resentments. They drained my energy each day as I thought of them. My insides felt corroded from bitterness. Feeling resentment was like drinking poison and hoping the person I resented would die!
I often felt like there was nothing I could do, yet the truth was I knew what to do - work the Steps on my resentments, and let my Higher Power lift them from me. However, I felt such resistance to this that I needed to ask myself, “What do I get out of feeling like a victim?” As I pondered this question, my Higher Power slowly opened my awareness. I felt protected by my resentments. They acted as a barbed wire fence to keep away the people I felt had hurt me. The problem was I kept pricking my own skin on the barbs. I also was comfortable with my resentments. I wondered who I’d be without them, because they were as familiar to me as my own skin.
Realizing that my resentments are not necessary or protective opened the door to change. I began relying on my Higher Power to show me healthier ways to speak for myself in situations where I felt hurt or damaged. I took a deep breath and allowed my Higher Power to dismantle a powerfully self-destructive character defect. I became entirely willing.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Do I have a character defect I use to protect myself? Do I need it anymore?
“It is not enough merely to see that we have faults and make vague resolutions to do better. It takes definite effort to make ourselves receptive.” The Twelve Steps and Traditions, p. 6
I love the part that shares that we have character defects that protected us at one time and we no longer need those for protection. My resentment, angry and sometimes even hate kept a wall up that protected me. Or should i say - I THOUGHT it protected me.
I still felt the pain from the affects of loving and caring for people that are alcoholics and addicts. Letting go of these resentments, the anger and hate - has helped me heal and become a happier person, regardless of the actions of any other person.
It is what is healthier for ME. For me, that is what recovery is all about.
ME!!
Love & HUGS,
Rita