To quote a line from an old movie which is very true:
Love means never having to say you are sorry!
One thing already said to you more then bears repeating:
None of this was your fault.
One more thing I would like to point out alcoholism and drug addiction go hand in hand with rape on both sides of the crime! Either the victim, the rapist, or both are addicts or alcoholics in most cases of rape.
I am glad you are seeing your doctor, you need to tell the doctor the whole truth, then most importantly you need to follow your doctors advice.
Keep in mind that real love is a 2 way street, rape is not love no matter what!