There are a couple of things I've come to regard as universal truths from my own recovery and from working with a lot of newly sober alcoholics. One is, there is nothing a partner can do to change an alcoholic's drinking. Nothing. Another is that alcoholics who sober up, but do nothing to transform their lives, are just as damaging. Not drinking is just as bad as drinking for real alcoholics. And last, change is self-evident. If an alcoholic is truly recovering, it will be obvious. A fundamental change will occur and it will be noticable. If it's not, there is probably very little recovery occuring, and the problems will likely continue. If you have to wonder if the alkie is recovering, then they aren't.