Thanks friends for your feedback.
Keith, I copied some of your thoughts into my notebook, they are very helpful.
Trying2, yes he is an adult and he can deal with it.
Another issue I have struggled with in the past is how bad is too bad. He is not awful all the time, in fact most of the day he is helpful and does chores around the house etc. So I wonder, is this really so bad? But the answer always comes when he is out until 5am with our only car - or when he is moderately drunk and just plain nasty - or when he is negative about all of life. Then the answer is yes, it is bad enough.
I finally got myself a sponsor, and have been talking to her for the past few days. We will being working the steps this week and she has suggested that I attend open AA meetings and more Alanon meetings. I will do this.
I know that we need to separate, I am avoiding the pain of making this happen. I pray for courage to move forward.
Thanks again for your help.