Aw gniess (hug)
Sometimes it is a struggle...yeah i know you know you need to see a dr. and there is a possiblitly that you will need to be on some meds..short term or long term who knows.
I will share that when I first quit drinking in 85 i spent a miserable time, mostly sober for 8 years. I thought that was how it just was and like you had moments of wonderful..but much more really really sad and low engergy and all of that stuff.
In 07 I was put on a very minor medication and this last 2 years has been a totally different story....for me medication made a difference and the good news is it doesn't make you high or anything like that. Yeah, I don't like that I take a med..alot of it for thereasons you mentioned. But...the only negative concequence of taking my medication is what happens if I go off it....which is being sucked back to where i was before.
I'm starting therapy after I get back from my vacation..will set it up then...to begin to deal with the crp that has been holding me down the last 2 years...precisely because the medication doesn't cover the problem....and like you...i feel so unlovable...despite any evidence to the contrary I am unable to see it....So that is an issue (I consider it to be beyond my alchoholism, but one of the ways my mind will justify a drink) that i must deal with...NOW
Anyhow...even if you can't feel it or believe it it still needs to be said..you are indeed lovable Gniess....As much as possible, don't isolate ok :ghug3