It is now 12 days til I move. I'm moving less than a mile away, but somewhere the druggies can't find me. None have showed up at my house since I "quit" (I find this a strange term because I still say I quit in January but my most recent meth use was in June) but I'm increasingly paranoid about it. To make my move go a little smoother I've boxed a bunch of stuff up and moved it to the garage where it will be easier to load up on moving day. That means I had to clean the garage first. What a miserable chore.
I have such low energy lately. Not really physically; if something needs to be done I get to it. But the fight has gone out of me. That sort of zest for life I had is gone. I go to work, my coworkers annoy me; I go home, everyone there annoys me. I don't want to be around people. It's a chore to check in here, I barely glance at Facebook, I hardly talk to my friends. I cry a lot, and for no apparent reason. I listen to the same CD over and over because I don't really care what's on. Usually it passes but I can't shake it now. I posted a thread last week that was sorta like, well why bother? It's not that I want to go back to drinking and drugs, I just don't have the energy to fight it. I also don't have the energy to go find drugs. I'm due for a check-up with the doctor in a few weeks so I guess I'll bring it up then. It's weird, I have moments where I think about something like my upcoming move and I get excited about it. And then it's gone and I'm just plodding along through life again. I told a friend this yesterday and he told me if I couldn't keep up the fight for myself I should keep it up for him because he loves me and wants me to get through it. It made me cry, I feel so completely unlovable lately. It goes along with the low energy.
OK, I know I've been told a few times on here to go to the doctor. I just hate the idea of taking more drugs to alleviate the problems apparently caused by the last drugs I did.