What I have learned from 22 years with an A is that you may as well have been talking to the chair as to him. Your mouth was moving, but he did not hear the words. I talked. I wrote letters. I talked to his mom. I worked every angle I could imagine to get him to see how all of his pain was hurting everyone around him.
I stopped talking to him. I went to Alanon and counseling and started talking there. I got a whole bunch healthier and filed for a divorce. Now he is just as angry, even though he is not drinking. He never owned up to or apologized for any of the horrible verbally/emotionally abusive things he did. I'm not holding my breath I'll get that apology, and I'll be just fine if I don't. He still spews vile and angry things at me every chance he gets. I thank God every day that I have removed that toxic waste from the lives of my children and myself. And I pray that he will find recovery and peace in his own skin. He may, he may not....but I get to control my own destiny and that feels pretty good!