Tib - You are currently living my worst nightmare. Been there so many times I can't believe I'm still alive. If you have just a moment of clarity, please understand all these people wish you well.
Oh, mouth wash, check...perfume, check, strong wine vinegar, check...vanilla extract yep. Rubbing alcohol, tried to do myself in that way once with a script of Antabuse.
For once please try to listen to someone other then yourself. There is hope, there is a chance. You are definitely worth the effort at life for yourself.