Originally Posted by
gneiss 
I feel like it doesn't make any difference. I wanted to stop drinking and using because I thought my life would be better. It's better I guess because I have a normal-ish sleep schedule and I'm not hungover and I'm not worried about the police showing up. In trade I have zero social life, which sometimes really bothers me and sometimes does not.
I used to care. When I first stopped drinking I felt bad that I put other people in danger by driving drunk, treated myself very poorly, stole for drug money. Now my attitude is sort of like, "**** it, that's life." And when the person I wronged was a drug buddy, I just figure that's the game, that's what happens when you do drugs and if you don't want to get screwed over you probably shouldn't be doing drugs. I don't really feel remorse for it.
What's happening to me? I feel like I've lost any sense of why I stopped using. The reasons to stay sober no longer seem compelling. My life doesn't seem to have much reason behind it, I just sort of exist. I don't want to go back to where I was in terms of drug use, but I wish there was something worth the effort to stay 100% clean and sober.
It took me at least a year of sobriety before I started to realize the joy and purpose to life, you need to be patient. I think you should feel remorse, you may say the druggies got what they deserved but what about the innocent people who's lives you put at risk, they didn't deserve that and maybe they weren't hurt yet but if there's a next time? There is only 1 good reason to get and stay clean and sober and that reason is for
yourself, it doesn't guarantee you a wonderful life with lots of friends and money and whatever. What is does guarantee you is the ability to be able to look yourself in the eye (in a mirror of course) and be at peace and love yourself. If you have no self respect or little then you likely need psychiatric help.
I wish you strength.