I hope I didn't need something traumatic in order to stop. A traumatic event really touched off my drug use, I'd hate to have to go through something like that again. It's not that I don't want to be done with it, it just doesn't make much difference. And I know that doesn't make sense because look at all the stuff I have going for me that was limited/non-existent/in jeopardy due to my drug use! I went back and read some older posts of mine, and there are great reasons to stop. School, real friends, etc.
I know drug buddies and friends aren't at all the same thing. But I don't like hanging out on my own. I used to not have many friends and that was ok. Then I got some friends who were not homebodies and I was always going somewhere, doing something. I became used to being busy, always having somewhere to be. It's not easy to be at home again. Tomorrow there's a meeting for the local Rock and Gem club. So I'm going to that. At least it's something to fill my time, if nothing else.
I know it's my addiction talking and I know it's stupid. I know in my head I have lots of great reasons to stay clean. I just don't feel it. I don't feel the commitment I first felt.
And I know I drank and did some pot a week ago, but I've never had this reaction after doing drugs. I've always come off a night of drinking or drug use with a sort of renewed feeling that I need to stop, I'm risking too much. Maybe this is just a passing thing I need to let run its course.